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It has been many years since I have sensed any absense of God. I've been walking and talking with Him for a long time now and I have learned that if I never deny His presence, I am never unaware of Him. He is with me continually and there is nothing that we don't discuss. I ask Him lots of dumb questions and often reply to His answers with, "Why?". He is patient to answer all my questions but never forces the answer upon me. He always gives me time to grow into understanding. He is even with me when I do or say something really stupid. There is nothing I can hide from Him. He knows even when I'm thinking of sinning and if I immediately take that thought to Him, He prevents me from falling. If not, He lets me fall and then He dusts me off, bandages my knees, and tells me to tell anyone else I may have hurt that I'm sorry. Then He holds me close and lets me know that nothing I do can ever stop Him from loving me. I am getting old but I am still a small child when it comes to my relationship with my Father, God, my Daddy.
Because awareness of God floods me continually now, I sometimes forget what it was like to be new in the Lord and not so sure of things. Older believers would tell me about the void in all of us that only Jesus can fill and I would have pangs of doubt for often I wasn't really sure that void had been filled. Though I doubted, Jesus would never really leave me either. Jesus wasn't a fad or a faze that I could leave behind but I went for many years without full surety of faith. When I sinned, I doubted Him. When something bad happened to me at the hand of another, I doubted Him. When disaster would strike or war was threatened, I doubted Him. Every human failing, my own and those of others, did not cause me to doubt myself or humankind but instead to doubt God. The void in me still felt empty because when things were not as I desired them to be, I did not draw near to God. Instead, I pulled away from Him. The void in me had been filled completely by Jesus but I often denied His reality in my life.
Jesus came to live in me at the very instant that I first believed. He has never left me since that first moment. It was the very fact of His presence that slowly drew me away from doubt to the true reality of Him living in me and I in Him. Though my choices began to change, I was not changed by my choices. The presence of Jesus in me changed the choices I would naturally make on my own. My thinking began to change and when I sinned, I saw my own failing and the only remedy in God. When others hurt me, I began to see their need for Jesus also and was no longer upset with God for not making them more perfect. When disaster struck or war was threatened, I no longer shook my fist at God but began to see the helplessness of human beings and our futility in seeking to settle things our own way apart from Him. Slowly each area of my life in which I doubted God, was filled with faith by the presence of Jesus. As I grew into Him, denying that presence, the very presence of God, was no longer possible. I can no longer fully remember how it felt not to be continually aware of Him with me. He truly is my friend who sticks closer than a brother.
If you are young in the Lord and doubt because you don't seem to have what some others seem to have, relax. You don't have to figure it all out. God isn't waiting for you to work a jig saw puzzle of His grand design before He will come near to you. If you believe Jesus is Who He says He is in the Bible, He is near to you and all you have to do is draw near to Him. You may even believe you have wondered far from Him but if you are His, He has had His watchful eye on you the whole time and has heard even your innermost private thoughts. Turn away from the deception that is doubt to the reality that is God's Love. Feel His strong arms draw you safely to Him and enter His rest. In Him, no matter where you are, you are always home.
Because awareness of God floods me continually now, I sometimes forget what it was like to be new in the Lord and not so sure of things. Older believers would tell me about the void in all of us that only Jesus can fill and I would have pangs of doubt for often I wasn't really sure that void had been filled. Though I doubted, Jesus would never really leave me either. Jesus wasn't a fad or a faze that I could leave behind but I went for many years without full surety of faith. When I sinned, I doubted Him. When something bad happened to me at the hand of another, I doubted Him. When disaster would strike or war was threatened, I doubted Him. Every human failing, my own and those of others, did not cause me to doubt myself or humankind but instead to doubt God. The void in me still felt empty because when things were not as I desired them to be, I did not draw near to God. Instead, I pulled away from Him. The void in me had been filled completely by Jesus but I often denied His reality in my life.
Jesus came to live in me at the very instant that I first believed. He has never left me since that first moment. It was the very fact of His presence that slowly drew me away from doubt to the true reality of Him living in me and I in Him. Though my choices began to change, I was not changed by my choices. The presence of Jesus in me changed the choices I would naturally make on my own. My thinking began to change and when I sinned, I saw my own failing and the only remedy in God. When others hurt me, I began to see their need for Jesus also and was no longer upset with God for not making them more perfect. When disaster struck or war was threatened, I no longer shook my fist at God but began to see the helplessness of human beings and our futility in seeking to settle things our own way apart from Him. Slowly each area of my life in which I doubted God, was filled with faith by the presence of Jesus. As I grew into Him, denying that presence, the very presence of God, was no longer possible. I can no longer fully remember how it felt not to be continually aware of Him with me. He truly is my friend who sticks closer than a brother.
If you are young in the Lord and doubt because you don't seem to have what some others seem to have, relax. You don't have to figure it all out. God isn't waiting for you to work a jig saw puzzle of His grand design before He will come near to you. If you believe Jesus is Who He says He is in the Bible, He is near to you and all you have to do is draw near to Him. You may even believe you have wondered far from Him but if you are His, He has had His watchful eye on you the whole time and has heard even your innermost private thoughts. Turn away from the deception that is doubt to the reality that is God's Love. Feel His strong arms draw you safely to Him and enter His rest. In Him, no matter where you are, you are always home.
2 Comments:
A very personal reflection. Knowing Jesus doesn't take a lot of clever thinking (although sometimes that is helpful when it comes to being a 'fisher of men'), but simplicity and becoming like a little child.
Thanks for the glimpses you offer. Blessed are those who come to know Jesus in their own lives!
Blessed indeed!:0)
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