Laundry List Christianity
A close friend once said to me, "I don't understand how the unchurched can stay married. They don't have marriage seminars or accountability partners. I just don't understand how their marriages can last!"
Although I didn't say it outloud, my response was, "I am amazed any marriage can last through those seminars and so-called accountability groups."
I can't speak for all marriage seminars, but most marital advice I hear is along the lines of:
The other day I was visiting the wikipedia article on Gothic Fiction and I wondered to myself what some of these characters would be like in one of these seminars or in an accountability group.
Consider Bronte's anti-hero from Wutherington Heights, Heathcliff. He was the one who desired a woman so strongly that he basically destroyed everyone who kept him from her. And then he destroyed the lives of their descendants.
What kind of advice would he receive at these so-called seminars?
In my mind, I can just imagine Heathcliff saying, "I was hunting down those who separated me from my Catherine, but now, instead, I will hunt down and destroy the lives of these phony people."
And of course people have responded in such a way. One recalls the murderer of John Lennon carrying a copy of The Catcher In the Rye. His point was, John: you're not fooling anyone. But most likely someone could have shot Mark Chapman and called him a phony too.
Punish the phony people. Check...
When I consider these seminars and speach-writers I think of those ancient sophists who sold knowledge at a price. Socrates used very simple, gadfly questions to demonstrate the educated had no advantage when it came to finding Goodness, Truth, and Beauty.
And the same must be asked of love. Does one grasp love better or become more loving by having more information? Or by reading more books? Or by following lists?
Is it not the case that these advantages are nothing and even a little child can easily discover love?
Consider the following passage written by an older Copenhagen judge, Vilhelm. Perhaps during his years as a husband he has caught a glimpse of the essential task in loving.
His point is clear enough. People with full and meaningfull lives also seem to be rich in understanding, but an education itself is secondary to the task of living in a full and meaningful way.
In one of Plato's dialogs, the Meno, Socrates reflects on the way the seminar leaders of his day are unable to teach virtue. If virtue cannot be taught by human teachers he surmises that it can only be taught by the gods.
In the same way, the followers of Jesus Christ do not become disciples of love by listening to the peddlars of self-help lists and degree programs. To this end the Apostle writes, "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God".
All the requirements hang on those two love commands. The final question everyone must answer to themselves: "Is love enough for me?". As soon as a person answers negatively he has opened the door to the laundry list lifestyle.
Although I didn't say it outloud, my response was, "I am amazed any marriage can last through those seminars and so-called accountability groups."
I can't speak for all marriage seminars, but most marital advice I hear is along the lines of:
Sure, love is a good thing to have, but you also need to be very organized
or
...you also need vast intellectual resources
or
...you need to kiss five times a day and talk for at least two hours and sixteen minutes
or
...you need to have a biblical view of the sacraments and of eschatology
The other day I was visiting the wikipedia article on Gothic Fiction and I wondered to myself what some of these characters would be like in one of these seminars or in an accountability group.
Consider Bronte's anti-hero from Wutherington Heights, Heathcliff. He was the one who desired a woman so strongly that he basically destroyed everyone who kept him from her. And then he destroyed the lives of their descendants.
What kind of advice would he receive at these so-called seminars?
If someone hurts your feelings, pretend like you don't care. Instead of making real enemies, make pretend-friends.
If your actions don't win approval from others, that's a red flag. You need to do more things that others approve of.
Be aware of other's rights. And don't physically hurt anyone.
In my mind, I can just imagine Heathcliff saying, "I was hunting down those who separated me from my Catherine, but now, instead, I will hunt down and destroy the lives of these phony people."
And of course people have responded in such a way. One recalls the murderer of John Lennon carrying a copy of The Catcher In the Rye. His point was, John: you're not fooling anyone. But most likely someone could have shot Mark Chapman and called him a phony too.
Punish the phony people. Check...
When I consider these seminars and speach-writers I think of those ancient sophists who sold knowledge at a price. Socrates used very simple, gadfly questions to demonstrate the educated had no advantage when it came to finding Goodness, Truth, and Beauty.
And the same must be asked of love. Does one grasp love better or become more loving by having more information? Or by reading more books? Or by following lists?
Is it not the case that these advantages are nothing and even a little child can easily discover love?
Consider the following passage written by an older Copenhagen judge, Vilhelm. Perhaps during his years as a husband he has caught a glimpse of the essential task in loving.
In education what matters is not that the child learns this or that, but that the spirit is matured, that energy is aroused. You often talk of how splendid a thing it is to have a good mind. Who will deny the importance of that?
And yet, I almost think one makes that for oneself if one wants.
Give a man energy, passion, and he has everything. Take a young girl, let her be silly, hysterical, a real chatterbox, imagine her falling deeply and sincerely in love and you will see that the good mind comes of itself, you will see how shrewd and cunning she becomes in finding out if love is requited; let her be happy in love and you will see ardour bloom on her lips; let her be unhappy and you will hear the cool reflections of wit and understanding ...
Vilhelm, Either Or.
His point is clear enough. People with full and meaningfull lives also seem to be rich in understanding, but an education itself is secondary to the task of living in a full and meaningful way.
In one of Plato's dialogs, the Meno, Socrates reflects on the way the seminar leaders of his day are unable to teach virtue. If virtue cannot be taught by human teachers he surmises that it can only be taught by the gods.
In the same way, the followers of Jesus Christ do not become disciples of love by listening to the peddlars of self-help lists and degree programs. To this end the Apostle writes, "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God".
All the requirements hang on those two love commands. The final question everyone must answer to themselves: "Is love enough for me?". As soon as a person answers negatively he has opened the door to the laundry list lifestyle.
Labels: Love and Loving, The System
1 Comments:
I wish I could say I was making up these stories about the seminars. Just after writing this very post I went over to a friend's house and caught the tail end of a marriage seminar.
No joke, the name of the seminar was, "Laugh your way to a better marriage". One wonders why the divorce rate is so high in a country where everyone is desperately searching for a laugh.
At any rate, one of the speakers cautionary pearls of wisdom was that a man ought not to behave adulterously because if he does -may it never happen!- his brain will have a chemical imprint of the mistress for the rest of his life.
He might have been able to make this work if he had used it as merely a hint at the way memory can terrify a person about their choices. But his concern was the science.
It was like he was saying, 'Someday medical science will be able to remove chemical imprints on men's brains ... on that day we will no longer need to worry about trivialities like guilt and the weight of one's conscience.'
Pah!
And then he took a quid-pro-quo approach to loving your spouse ... in other words, he said everything should be, "You do something good for me and I'll do something good for you."
Which sounds sooo much like the command to treat your neighbor the way you want to be treated. Except it doesn't sound like that at all.
My advice: laugh your way out of every seminar and marriage class and look for the seriousness of God.
Remember, everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and those who knock have the door open for them.
Post a Comment
<< Home