A Cold Winter's Night
Winter and death are synonymous in many aspects and as one ages the dread of each can often be equal. When winter comes, all chronic underlying illnesses gain the ascendancy and many who are sick or old or both often do not survive the winter.
My thoughts are here, upon winter, because I am weak and it is very cold and I fear I might not survive. I have seen many winters but not as many as some and I would like to see more and pass through them unscathed. On this cold winter's night when my aching body will no longer let me sleep and I can't find relief, I long only for spring. I long for the warmth that comes when the earth in its orbit begins to draw nearer to the sun. I long for the snow and ice to be melted and then forgotten as the earth moves ever closer to summer's solstice. I long for the fullness of life that is summer.
There are times when winter creeps into my very soul and as my heart freezes over it seems that God has forgotten me. Just as the earth at winter solstice is very far from the sun, so too has my life's orbit taken me to where the warmth of God's love is nearly forgotten. I do not have the power to draw myself back for the orbit of my life is laid down for me by forces that I cannot control. The colder my spirit becomes the more I doubt that I will survive my soul's winter solstice.
If my spiritual survival depends upon me and my ability to correct the orbit of my life then winter will become the permanent state of my soul. However, it is God Who is sovereign and not I and my life has been pre-appointed to me. Through all the seasons of my life, (created by my orbit around God, the very center of life) He is in governance. Though the winter is painful, it is necessary. Spiritual winter tests all that is strong and weak in me; bending what is strong in recognition of an all powerful God as all that is weak and sickly in me dies.
This winter I am reminded of spiritual winter as my body, that is slowly crumbling from its weakness and the illnesses that plague me, is being sorely tested by the cold. The world in which I live is being tested also for it and I are made of the same elements and even the sun will someday, pass away. My physical eyes and mind tell me that all things will someday die and it is winter that will have final and complete victory over all things living. What my eyes see and all that I have learned from observation leaves me with no hope. Dust to dust and ashes to ashes. This is the vertical view produced by the dead of winter in my soul.
It is Jesus Who opened my spiritual eyes and He has not left me blind to hope. Though it appears that winter will swallow me, He has filled my mind with the knowledge of God that guides me through the long dark night and the life threatening cold of this season of my life. He speaks to me through His Holy Spirit and gives me comfort and warmth as my spirit, moving upon the orbit He has set for me, is drawn ever closer to Him. As I draw near to God, the deadly cold that has invaded me begins to melt away and I find assurance that winter will not last forever; and if my weakened body should crumble and not survive winter, all is yet well with my soul. For when my body does finally crumble to dust and ashes all that is weak will be removed from me and my spirit will rest in Jesus and from that day forward, I will know only the fullness of Life.
My thoughts are here, upon winter, because I am weak and it is very cold and I fear I might not survive. I have seen many winters but not as many as some and I would like to see more and pass through them unscathed. On this cold winter's night when my aching body will no longer let me sleep and I can't find relief, I long only for spring. I long for the warmth that comes when the earth in its orbit begins to draw nearer to the sun. I long for the snow and ice to be melted and then forgotten as the earth moves ever closer to summer's solstice. I long for the fullness of life that is summer.
There are times when winter creeps into my very soul and as my heart freezes over it seems that God has forgotten me. Just as the earth at winter solstice is very far from the sun, so too has my life's orbit taken me to where the warmth of God's love is nearly forgotten. I do not have the power to draw myself back for the orbit of my life is laid down for me by forces that I cannot control. The colder my spirit becomes the more I doubt that I will survive my soul's winter solstice.
If my spiritual survival depends upon me and my ability to correct the orbit of my life then winter will become the permanent state of my soul. However, it is God Who is sovereign and not I and my life has been pre-appointed to me. Through all the seasons of my life, (created by my orbit around God, the very center of life) He is in governance. Though the winter is painful, it is necessary. Spiritual winter tests all that is strong and weak in me; bending what is strong in recognition of an all powerful God as all that is weak and sickly in me dies.
This winter I am reminded of spiritual winter as my body, that is slowly crumbling from its weakness and the illnesses that plague me, is being sorely tested by the cold. The world in which I live is being tested also for it and I are made of the same elements and even the sun will someday, pass away. My physical eyes and mind tell me that all things will someday die and it is winter that will have final and complete victory over all things living. What my eyes see and all that I have learned from observation leaves me with no hope. Dust to dust and ashes to ashes. This is the vertical view produced by the dead of winter in my soul.
It is Jesus Who opened my spiritual eyes and He has not left me blind to hope. Though it appears that winter will swallow me, He has filled my mind with the knowledge of God that guides me through the long dark night and the life threatening cold of this season of my life. He speaks to me through His Holy Spirit and gives me comfort and warmth as my spirit, moving upon the orbit He has set for me, is drawn ever closer to Him. As I draw near to God, the deadly cold that has invaded me begins to melt away and I find assurance that winter will not last forever; and if my weakened body should crumble and not survive winter, all is yet well with my soul. For when my body does finally crumble to dust and ashes all that is weak will be removed from me and my spirit will rest in Jesus and from that day forward, I will know only the fullness of Life.
3 Comments:
Hi Joy,
Thanks for the analogy. At one point, our hearts were all very cold toward God.
Even though I basically agree with you, one of the things that I wonder about is how we are totally unable to restore our relationship with God by our own merit/ability and yet the Scriptures say:
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
James 4:8
Something to meditate on ...
BB,
I guess I see it this way now. God's choice is the directive choice and ours is responsive. We can't thwart His Will and we are predestined to Christ. An older friend of mine explained it this way to me many years ago. She said that salvation is like a door. On the outside it says 'who-so-ever-will' but once you step through that door and close it the backside says 'I knew you from the foundation of the world'. I can know it and accept it but I can't truly understand it. God's ways are much higher than mine. I just know than nothing that happens in my life is outside of His control or His plan for me.
Even as a believer, I have experience spiritual winter. It isn't that I quit believing but it is as if my faith lays dormant. This has not happened to me often but by experience, I know that the state is not permenent for even if I try to let go of Jesus, He will not let go of me. He is never far from me.
This is a very different time in my life right now and I think perhaps, I am writing of the experience of an old woman that is something you are not quite ready for as you are yet in the spring time of your life. Decades pass and each on changes us quite a lot.
Pam
Hi Joy,
I think the doorway analogy is a fair way to frame it (pardon the pun). A lot of it is hard for us to understand ... (or at least it is for me). We did not choose God, He chose us ... yet Jesus is waiting on individuals to open the door of their hearts.
Also, I forgot to mention it, but your post reminds me of that song, "I've got my love to keep me warm" ;) I hope that observation doesn't sour a tasteful post!
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